no more
forget it, really, forget it. it's been too long and too pointless. i wish i meant something.
i'm easy, easy like a sunday morning (i wish. haha. i feel so lonely now)
the moon was beautiful last night and i thought of that person. but, as i said just now, just forget it.

(no subject)
finally. it was good to see you again. didn't talk much though. i'll wait til next week.

posted some stuffs about love on my blogspot. a lot. haha. shall copy and paste the excerpts cos this blog is supposed to be more about love than my blogspot. i shall call this blog the theory of love (but it sounds like fad's blog)

"just read jill's blog, her questions about love. whether it has anything to do with logic and stuffs. haha. i don't know how to define love. but i know one thing about it. love can be true without being ever-lasting. as in, it is true during a certain period of time. and it may fade. even if it fades with time, it doesn't mean that it's never true. because. there is no real thing that lasts forever. forever as in forever. or is there? if there is, i don't know any yet (how about infinite number? i studied maths too much maybe). face it. your life will end one day. and no one can guarantee that there will be an afterlife (no one can prove yet that there won't be any, either) where you'll be living happily ever after. everything will come to an end, to nothingness. but that's not something you should feel really sorry about. just live the moment. the beautiful moment of love, joy, pain, despair, etc. just live it. those moments will pass (suddenly this reminds me vaguely of some concept in physics but i don't know what). but the next ones will come, definitely. and it goes on and on until the end. and when it's over... well, now i know of something that is seemingly forever. the cycle of life. haha. when you discuss about one idea (or question), another idea or a resolution, or, most of the time another set of questions will just come along. and you try to answer them, substantiating your points with your personal opinions formed by own experience or others' opinions. and this goes on and on. here it is, another thing that won't seem to end. the quest for the truth. the perceived truth, maybe. it is quite banal because the word 'truth' itself carries a connotation of being universal, absolute. yet what is absolute. everything is relative. everything can be seen from more than one perspectives. everything has its exception. or maybe there is the exception for "everything has its exception" ie there is something that is absolute? that is yet to be known by anyone. this pursuit of enlightenment is indeed a tiring process. (i sound so philosophical huh) has anyone been truly enlightened yet? because like i said, questions keep coming. that's what drives science, philosophy, and human civilisation in general."

"i realise that what i posted yesterday about love doesn't have anything to do with the questions on jill's blog haha. but yes, real love is not that pure after all. material or rational aspects often come into consideration. subconsciously or not. i mean, life is not like it was last time, right. and if you know that something won't work out, something is really unlikely to have a happy ending, why would you want to believe in that thing if you can choose not to. unless your love is that strong that pain doesn't mean anything to you. anyway, now playing: Too Much Heaven by Bee Gees. "lovin's such a beautiful feeling... nobody gets too much heaven" awwww haha.
2 hours after the celebration i got a message: "i have a question. what's the longest distance in the universe?"
i made a guess, "is it the distance between you and someone you love when you are apart and can't see each other?"
i got it wrong. not very wrong though. the answer was "the distance between a guy and a girl he likes when they are face-to-face with each other, yet (the guy) knowing that he can't ever make the girl his."
don't give up kay. there is still hope, i know for sure because i was told so. and you're not bad at all like you think! i'm glad that you learn. yes, one more thing i know about true love, any kind of love, is that it makes you learn."

(no subject)
i guess it'll be great to stay up late like this with you. studying, talking, drinking coffee, listening to songs that we both like or songs that one of us like and the other starts to like, whatever. in a starbucks which opens 24 hours, in your place, in my place, at the beach, wherever. enjoying each other's company, talking about life, maybe. and more importantly, studying. enjoying each other's silence and presence.

sometimes you keep asking questions. but most of the time you don't remember the answers. why. do you mean what you ask. do you really wanna ask. do you really wanna talk. i don't know, i'll never know.

anyway i don't think of you in that way anymore i guess.
there are other things, other people in my mind right now. quite many, and not focused.
i hardly know myself these days. i've been so different, so hardworking (it's a good thing) and a little bit too kiasu that i started comparing myself with those people whose results have been good.

the drive is so strong that i don't need coffee to stay up this late to study.

RIP Michael Jackson. now playing: The Girl Is Mine featuring Paul McCartney. love them both!

a word which meaning is yet to be understood really well by many.
would you care to know what it means?
you seem so indifferent about many things (which upsets me sometimes, but it is you) including this.

i feel like writing some more crap about this love thingy and you. i can write a goddamn book about it, for christ's sake. haha.

thursday afternoon
do you mean it when you say things?  you may not be the person that i think i know. i'll never know. and i said i know you. you might laugh when i said it. i'll never know. maybe he was right when he said that you're so hard to figure out.
maybe i think too much. but now i don't really care. i'm busy with my maths and chem and stuffs. haha. or maybe it's just because i haven't seen you for quite long. 

(no subject)
i don't think too much of that person anymore. well, at least lately i don't. that's a good thing. so what you predicted is quite true, we'd be too busy studying to miss anyone during the holidays. haha.

i wrote a song
i wrote the first verse quite some time ago. during the first week of the holidays, i think. probably 6th or 7th of june. i wrote some lines after the verse but i forgot where i scribbled those lines and i could only remember these 4 lines, and i completed the song in my physics booklet (chapter 14, electric field) this afternoon. it took me less than one hour i guess. i'll add in the music someday when i have the time. i can't think of any title for this song yet.

all those people and the hot stuffs they talk about
you're so simple and yet you stand out in the crowd
you're so gentle, do you know what you're worth?
thought you were an angel yet you're so down-to-earth

i fell in love with your personality
your serenity is a respite in this mad world
i'm going nowhere, cos about that you couldn't care
but, you're just so special to me, girl

when i talk to you
i know i'm being listened to
there's no more reason to feel blue
it means so much, it's true

when you talk to me
your words, ordinary as they may be
they restore my sanity
drive the sorrows away from me

when you're by my side
i'm a bit self-conscious but it's alright
(LOL. it should be "everything just seems right" instead?)
the weight on my shoulder suddenly feels light
and i realise tomorrow can still be bright

when you wear that smile
heaven's here for a little while
that's the sweetest i've ever seen
you will never get what i mean

i don't want you in that way
i just hope you would stay

friday morning
i miss you! you said you'll miss me too. hahaha.
i'm really glad that we're in good terms already (talking about another person now)

3rd post of the day
i posted this on my blogspot.
"anyway, i guess i might be still in love :/ haha. it's okay it's not necessarily a bad thing (when the person is a friend of mine and i don't do anything), just stay in control and everything will be fine, right. anyway it's not obsessive or sexual (oh please, no) or anything. it is not at all. it is only that the person is just so special to me, that it could be 'love'. yes, that's all."

hahaha. i miss you. and i'll be in jakarta from tomorrow until next monday.


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